Brian
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Post by Brian on Nov 24, 2010 0:03:14 GMT -8
Pastor Paige gave us a tip that the announcer will say a few sentences about each entry as we pass the lights (!), cameras (!), action (!). Let's give them some wording, I'll start it chugging down the track, please jump aboard with your suggestions... I'll give it a try: Imagine there's a Peace Train rolling through town. That's what members of the Montrose Peace Vigil did. Then they built a Peace Train just for the Montrose Christmas Parade to thank the community for five years of peaceful vigils every week. They also want to keep track of the message of Christmas year round: Peace on earth and goodwill to all.It's only one idea that could stand a lot of improvement and some embellishment. I wanted to write a blurb that mentioned the Peace Train first, before our group, although I think doing the opposite made Roberta's offering stronger. But I packed the word "peace" in there five times!
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Roberta
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Vigil founding member
Posts: 1,030
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Post by Roberta on Nov 24, 2010 15:43:46 GMT -8
I'll give it a try: Imagine there's a Peace Train rolling through town. That's what members of the Montrose Peace Vigil did. Then they built a Peace Train just for the Montrose Christmas Parade to thank the community for five years of peaceful vigils every week. They also want to keep track of the message of Christmas year round: Peace on earth and goodwill to all."Imagine there's a Peace Train rolling through our town. That's what members of the Montrose Peace Vigil did. Then they built and hand-painted this gorgeous Peace Train as a special holiday greeting for the Christmas Parade. The Vigil is celebrating five years of peaceful weekly vigils. Let's all get on board with the message of Christmas, year-round: Peace on earth and goodwill to all!" I like your approach, added a few words here and there, and changed on track to on board. After another evening of review, I'll send off to Steve. And final painting and prep, this Friday at noon at Anni and Brian's -- way better than a crowded mall!
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Post by Jeanne on Nov 24, 2010 15:44:04 GMT -8
Pastor Paige gave us a tip that the announcer will say a few sentences about each entry as we pass the lights (!), cameras (!), action (!). Let's give them some wording, I'll start it chugging down the track, please jump aboard with your suggestions... I'll give it a try: Imagine there's a Peace Train rolling through town. That's what members of the Montrose Peace Vigil did. Then they built a Peace Train just for the Montrose Christmas Parade to thank the community for five years of peaceful vigils every week. They also want to keep track of the message of Christmas year round: Peace on earth and goodwill to all.It's only one idea that could stand a lot of improvement and some embellishment. I wanted to write a blurb that mentioned the Peace Train first, before our group, although I think doing the opposite made Roberta's offering stronger. But I packed the word "peace" in there five times! I love it, Brian. It's a seductive fable.
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anni
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Post by anni on Nov 27, 2010 20:47:57 GMT -8
How's this for a conductor's hat? Attachments:
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Roberta
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Vigil founding member
Posts: 1,030
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Post by Roberta on Nov 28, 2010 10:54:32 GMT -8
How's this for a conductor's hat? Perfect and cool! And the parade-runner immediately acknowledged receipt of our text for announcing The Peace Train with "good copy." No higher praise, writing buddy!
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Post by Sharon W on Nov 28, 2010 11:51:20 GMT -8
Bill is working in the heated garage now - he was freezing his caboose in the driveway!
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anni
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Administrating Designer
Posts: 1,608
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Post by anni on Nov 29, 2010 17:56:02 GMT -8
Our Peace Train has got a MOJO of its own. Residing now at Medford Queen Station, ready now for tiny final touches. Please check it out: We're going to apply festive ribbons to the packages, so it's more clear, what they are...
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Post by Nancy on Nov 30, 2010 15:57:39 GMT -8
Adorable Peace Train Pix. Miracle on Honolulu Avenue Coming down the tracks....December 4th. I can already see it.
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Post by Nancy on Nov 30, 2010 16:04:00 GMT -8
Pastor Paige gave us a tip that the announcer will say a few sentences about each entry as we pass the lights (!), cameras (!), action (!). Let's give them some wording, I'll start it chugging down the track, please jump aboard with your suggestions... I'll give it a try: Imagine there's a Peace Train rolling through town. That's what members of the Montrose Peace Vigil did. Then they built a Peace Train just for the Montrose Christmas Parade to thank the community for five years of peaceful vigils every week. They also want to keep track of the message of Christmas year round: Peace on earth and goodwill to all.Brian, this is perfect! And using the word Peace 5 times in one paragraph reminds me of a very good friend's technique. All we are saying.....
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Roberta
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Vigil founding member
Posts: 1,030
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Post by Roberta on Dec 1, 2010 15:52:44 GMT -8
We're going to apply festive ribbons to the packages, so it's more clear, what they are... This one now has festive ribbons/bows on packages, it is even more clear what they are...beautiful, if I do say so myself!
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